Forget and Forgive

Just a little something i remembred from one of my relationships as a teen where I was a jerk to a girl who really liked me. Wish i could say these words to her now unfrotunatelly she lives in Australia, but maybe this will somehow get to her through the web. Cheers Alicia
Thick dark night,
Warm wind blowing through the window.
Its been long since you fell asleep
With your palms covering your face.
Those palms hiding your dreams from me.
But i look at you now
My lips whisper "forgive"
Forgive me for the flowers,
I never gave
Forgive me for the long night,
I didn't call
Forgive me for the hopes and dreams,
I never fullfilled.
Forgive me for staying together with you,
I left so many times, so I could come back again
And you forgave me alot
As if you got used to forget
I said many times before
That I don't need you anymore
You did not even cry
You just waited alot.
I would come back to see the beauty
The beauty of your eyes,
In those eyes where I drowned more than once
You willingly gave yourself
To the warmth of my hands
I held you close to me
From dusk to dawn.
You dream of water,
It runs through your hands
I dont want to believe it
But its for tears
You cant wake up
You cant tell me "Wait"
I will quitely leave
But I will remain with you.
Everything comes to an end,
Dreams vanish with no means
Someone will be with me
But it won't be you
Everything is gonna be ok
The way it is supposed to be
And i beg of you
Forget and Forgive

Out of the hospital.

Well i know i am way behind in the class. I just got out of the hospital after spending about 4 weeks there with a serious case of mono and bronchial infection (pretty nasty stuff) but now that i am back i am going to go on a binge of poem writing and comments so i hopefully will not fail the course. Thank you all for those who have commented on my previous posts, they are much appreciated and sorry (even though i tried) i didnt comment on all of your posts but i am sure i got at least 2-3 on each person and will try to improve on that. Well take care.
Vlad

Let Go

A little piece for a man who cant stop the tears in his eyes at 5:37am reminescing about the friends that past. RIP in guys.

Drink that whisky down
Are you in or are you out
I cant help but sit back,
Watch the days go by
Wondering each day why
I am here without you tonight
I think twice and realize
All I have to do is let go
Let go and move on
The silence of the night
Stirrs deep within my life
I close my eyes
And keep wondering why
You let go of me that night
The night He took you away
Scathing my soul the next day
It burns deep in me
The feelings incomplete
I never told you that
I loved you since day one
With you I wish I was
On white clouds with no remorse
Watching, smiling over loved ones
Wishing that they will,
Remember and see me,
When their time comes to be
But until that day I know
It is you I must let go
Finish the whisky down
And come into a state of no doubt
I will see you friends one day
Until then dont worry about me
I will be Ok.

Dedicated to Vitalik Semenov (1983-2001), Sasha Xolodsov (1982-2001), Sergey Pavlovich (1983-2002), Julia Zylka (1984-2002), Victoria McMillan (1983-2003)

Sonnet

I am posting a sonnet that was written by William Shakespeare. It is titled LXIII
LXIII

Against my love shall be as I am now,
With Time's injurious hand crush'd and o'erworn;
When hours have drain'd his blood and fill'd his brow
With lines and wrinkles; when his youthful morn
Hath travell'd on to age's steepy night;
And all those beauties whereof now he's king
Are vanishing, or vanished out of sight,
Stealing away the treasure of his spring;
For such a time do I now fortify
Against confounding age's cruel knife,
That he shall never cut from memory
My sweet love's beauty, though my lover's life:
His beauty shall in these black lines be seen,
And they shall live, and he in them still green.
-William Shakespeare
I chose this particular sonnet because it ties in with the poems that i wrote in my blogs about the deaths of my aunt and my grandmother this year and it touched me in a particular way because of that. In this sonnet, Shakespeare is describing his lover that he had who was once a very beautiful man, however with time his looks withered away and died. I especially was touched by the lines "For such a time do I now fortify, Against confounding age's cruel knife" showing that shakespeare is really struggling with the loss of his lover. The final two lines were extremely powerfull as wel stating "His beauty shall in these black lines be seen, And they shall live, and he in them still green." This shows that throughout Shakespeare's wrtings and hopefully mine as well along with anyone who every wrote something about the people that they lost and truly loved, those people would not be forgotten and forever remain alive and green meaning full of live and not dead and black like the darnkess of death.

I Will Be Missing You

This is just a song that in a way helps somene who lost someone they truly loved cope and remember all the great things that a person done in their life and reiterate that they will not be forgotten. Its By Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans called " I will Be Missing You" and is a tribute to Notorious B.I.G

Every day I wake upI hope I'm dreamin
I can't believe this shit
Can't believe you ain't here
Sometimes it's just hard for a nigga to wake up
It's hard to just keep goin
It's like I feel empty inside without you bein here
I would do anything man, to bring you back
I'd give all this shit, shit the whole knot
I saw your son today
He look just like you
You was the greatest
You'll always be the greatest
I miss you Big
Can't wait til that day, when I see your face again
I can't wait til that day, when I see your face again...
Yeah... this right here (tell me why)
Goes out, to everyone, that has lost someone
That they truly loved (c'mon, check it out)
Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hangin on the block for dough
Notorious, they got to know that
Life ain't always what it seem to be (uh-uh)
Words can't express what you mean to me
Even though you're gone, we still a team
Through your family, I'll fulfill your dream (that's right)
In the future, can't wait to see
If you open up the gates for me
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend (uh-huh)
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living your life, after death
CHORUS
Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you
CHORUS
I miss you Big
It's kinda hard with you not around (yeah)
Know you in heaven smilin down (eheh)
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts Big I just can't define (can't define)
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Makin hits, stages they receive you on
I still can't believe you're gone (can't believe you're gone)
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living you're life, after death
[Chorus][Faith Evans]
Somebody tell me why
On that morning
When this life is overI knowI'll see your face
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every day that passes
Every move I make, every single day
Is a day that I get closer
To seeing you again
Every night I pray, every step I take
We miss you Big... and we won't stop
Every move I make, every single day
Cause we can't stop... that's right
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
We miss you Big
http://www.asklyrics.com/display/Puff_daddy/I_ll_be_missing_you_Lyrics/47984.htm

Olga

My aunt just died recently at the tender age of 49. She died immediately 40 days after my grandmother passed away which is significant because for 40 days after a family members death there is a very strong grieving proccess. For the first 9 days a candle is lit and food put out for the deceased. The other 31 days represent the whole period of the month where the time is used to remember the whole life time of achievement and deeds that were done by that person. My auntie told me over the phone "My mother is calling me" and on the 40th day she passed away.


In the dead of the night
The phone rings
Everyone sleeps
A moment of dejavu
And i find myself
Listening to the same thing
"This is Sergei Karnilov"
"From Xalopenechi Belarus"
"Vovachka, please let mom know"
"That our mother is gone"
The phone shatters into many pieces
A tear slides gently down my unshaven cheek
God has claimed another one of my kin
Oh my dear aunt Olga
There was so much life still left in you
Why did he have to come and take you
To what does me and my mom owe this to
All we ever wanted was to see you soon
My mother weeps and curses him
I too dont understand why
He had to ruin our lifes
Grandma called to her in her dreams
Her soothing voice taking her in
She now lays beside her mom
In the same place
The bitter cold Belorussian grave
Covering her pretty face
She leaves behind two sons
Along with me and my mom
Please sleep tight and have good dreams
Reunited with your loved ones
And have a place reserved for me
When I come up
To see your face.

R.I.P Olga Sergeovich Karnilova
1955-2004

Babushka (Grandma)

This is just a poem that i wrote after my grandmother died not long ago.

The silky wind brushes your skin
The golden sun carresses your lips
But you do not feel it
The rain falls down on your grey head
The snow freezes your white hands
But you do not feel it
The seasons come and seasons go
The weather changes with the flow
But you do not feel it
You lived a long and harsh life
You lost a lot of friend and foes aside
But you will never know
How much I miss you
Now that you are gone.

R.I.P Natalia Gregorivna Baranova
1916-1994

Mama

Train please stop
Wheels dont bang
Conductor hit the brakes
I am coming to see
My dear mama
With my last words
In a hurry to see her pretty eyes
Dont wait for me mama
Your good son
Your son is not like he was yesterday
I got sucked in
In dangerous buisness
And life
Is my never ending game

The Good Night.

Ciggarette flikering in the dim
The wind threw the ash in my face
The burning filter
Left a burn on my finger
The steel door squeaked
IT opened
Your are walking towards me
Your are mine now
I feel a pleasant sensation
From head to toe
You are with me
Forget about everything
Its the night
But will seem like a dream
I will take you
And hold you close
Like my dear daughter
We will get hugged by the ciggarete smoke
You will leave as soon as the sun rises
The prints on the bed
Will remind me of a good night
Irradating moon light
Its hard for me to say no to you
Swiftly your clothes will come off
And cover the floor
The night wind
Will mute our moans
The strong rush of blood
Will hit my heart
And I will remember
The good night.



And swiftly your clothes will cover the floor

Times are good and bad.

Times are good and bad
Sometimes happy
Sometimes sad
I think of you
It makes me blue
Because you are not here with me
I remember the times we had
Sometimes happy
Sometimes sad
But no matter what I'd do
You'd always pull through
And be there with me
Now those times are gone
And it makes me think
Will I ever be free
From the chains
To which you
Hold the key

Coffee

Just a little something that we can all relate to in the morning before poetry class :)

Sweet aroma rising up
Touching the senses
Waking me up
Black or mixed
Doesnt matter
The fresh taste
Gets me awake
Just one sip
Puts a smile
On my face
After one cup
I am ready to go
To Englsih 2110
At 9:30 am

4:45am

This is just a little something that I decided to wrtie at 4:45 in the morning on the reflection of a man who cant sleep due to a personal connection with another.

It's getting late
Time to sleep
But everytime I close my eyes
I see you in front of me
I feel your touch on my skin
Even though you are not here
I still feel you deep inside me
I know you are with someone else
My mind says stop
My heart believes otherwise
And it hurts so bad
Through all the times we had
Bad or good you were always there
Now you are gone
And I know its for the last time